


More than meets the eye

by sugarplum_fairy



Series: Aftermath [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, Fuck Or Die, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 01:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13869735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarplum_fairy/pseuds/sugarplum_fairy
Summary: After Reid and Morgan got through Fuck or Die situation, Emily visits Reid's hospital room.





	More than meets the eye

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed my misunderstanding of the timeline just after completing this. So Emily in this fic doesn't know what happened to Morgan in his childhood. Sorry!  
> ///  
> I greatly appreciate your heartwarming comments and kudos. Wow!  
> Encouraged a lot by you guys, I wrote a sequel to this. I'm happy if you enjoy it, too.

 How much do we know each other?

 Emily is wondering as she walks down a hospital corridor toward a private room occupied by her colleague. She didn't think she would find herself by Reid's side at this point. Of course she is worried about him, badly worried. She just guessed everyone expect her priority to be Morgan in such a case that both of them are equally hurt because she is often paired with Morgan.

 However, when she was about to open the door of Morgan's room, she was stopped by Hotch. His tone had enough urgency to make her get her hand off the knob reflexively. A spark of guilt crossed his face, but he quickly regained his usual composure.

"I'll take care of him. Check on Reid"  
"Sure."

 She pretended not to notice anything wrong and began to leave. Hearing a creak of the door just before turning the corner, she couldn't help imagining Hotch standing in front of the door for a several seconds in order to prepare himself. He obviously knew something she didn't know and she sensed it belonged to Morgan's privacy. It rarely bothers her much to realize she is outside of shared knowledge. Though she's consistently felt connected with her team from the early stage, she isn't so naive that she believes she knows everything about them. But whenever secrets present themselves in disturbing situations, she's struck by the cruelty.

 Reaching the destination, she breathes deeply as Hotch did in her imagination. To her relief, she gets a response as soon as she knocks. She opens the door and finds Reid sitting with his back leaning against the pillow. He smiles and waves in his awkward way.

"Hi."  
"Hi."

 She slides herself into the room and sits on a folding chair. Reid is too pale even for him, but looks more calm than she expected. There's no sign that he's upset with her presence and she regards it as a small comfort. Actually the way he turns himself to her seems to tell that he welcomes her visit. It doesn't frequently happens around Reid.

"How are you?"  
"I'm depressed with this wallpaper. I'm afraid I'm not blessed with ability to create a good chemistry with hospitals."  
"You got a PhD in Chemistry, didn't you, doctor?"  
"Doctors here don't respect my doctorate, though."

 His sulking face makes her laugh and he grins. She keeps her tone sincere but light.

"Seriously, are you alright? Don't you need to sleep?"  
"Just some minor scratches. They'll heal soon."  
"Reid."

 She leans forward and continues after eye contact is made.

"It makes sense if you feel obliged around us to minimize what you went through, but you aren't. We're your friends. Friends of you two, you know."  
"Thank you, Emily."

 He looks down.

"But I told the truth. I wasn't as hurt as I should have been because he was meticulously attentive. Gentle from the beginning to the end. It was him who minimized what I went through."

 With effort she keeps herself from picturing what he's telling.

 She wasn't among those who rescued Reid and Morgan so she doesn't have a clear view of how things went. All she knows is that their Unsub took a seven-year girl hostage on the run and used her as a leverage on Reid and Morgan who chased him. After getting control over his chasers, he ordered Morgan to rape Reid.

"How is he?"

 He whispers. With her own lack of information on Morgan's condition, she hesitates a little.

"He's not physically injured, but given a private room. Hotch is with him."

 Hotch usually leaves his hospitalized members to the others' care before cases are settled. But no puzzlement is apparent on Reid's expression. She feels sure that he also knows why Morgan needs Hotch now.

"When we were led to each ambulance, he was distraught."

 Reid sighs and sags. Both what he says and what he looks like wrench her heart.

"It's not your fault, Reid. Both of you are victims to the same extent."  
"How can you be so certain?"

 She's taken aback by his sudden harshness which reminds her of the quarrel during Houston case. Unlike the old case, he comes back to himself at once and closes his eyes. She decides to give him some space and waits. In a while he opens his mouth decisively.

"I enjoyed it."

 She is too perplexed to be confident in her understanding.

"Reid?"  
"I enjoyed the sex."

 His eyes are open now and agony is written there. She carefully picks her words.

"If you mention physical reaction, it doesn't tell anything about you."  
"I know. It's not like that."  
"Then, what do you mean?"

 He takes a deep breath and meets her eyes. Seeing the courage he's gathering, she becomes aware that he isn't seeking for comfort but confessing his sin.

"I've been attracted to him. I dreamed of sex with him."

 Surprisingly, she doesn't get surprised at all although even the possibility has never come to her mind. He's gripping the blanket so tightly that his knuckles are white. He looks painfully young, she thinks. This thought has the funny power to soothe her.

"How long?"  
"For years. Long before you joined BAU."  
"You've never told him."

 He bitterly laughs.

"Of course."  
"Why 'of course'?"  
"It doesn't matter now, especially in this situation where I completely lost the chance. Or..."

 He trails off. Getting what is coming next, she doesn't wait this time.

"Reid, there's no reason you ought to tell him. If you think you owe him, you misplace the responsibility. It was the UnSub that hurt Morgan. You and Morgan did everything to save the girl. It has nothing with your feeling toward him."  
"Probably you're right. I don't suppose we could choose other solutions at that point."

 He admits with his typical matter-of-factness. He's a brilliant agent after all, which makes it hard to deny her logic. He goes on under his profiler's mask.

"Besides the moral respect, it may be good for him to know what the event really was for me. He's torturing himself in the belief that I'm hurt. In other words, he's suffering from phantom damage. I don't think he deserves it."

 Once his monologue-like talk is over, she shakes her head.

"Phantom damage? Are you looking at yourself?"  
"I wasn't meant to ignore my minor injuries."  
"More than that. Jesus, Reid. You sound oblivious of your own unwanted experience. Even though a small part of you found something like satisfaction from the fact your dream came true anyway, you're not happy. Because you know he's hurt and then you're hurt. You care about him too much to hope for anything he doesn't want."

 He says nothing. She reaches his fist so slowly as to let him anticipate. He doesn't avoid her and with her hand laid on his he releases the blanket.

"If he feels sorry for your damage, where is falsehood? If he feels sorry for what he did, then, we'll correct his misconception. Let him and yourself believe that what happened there belonged to neither of you, only the Unsub."

 After a long silence, he answers in a small but stable voice.

"Okay. I'll try."

 He smiles. She smiles back reassuringly and stands up.

"Your doctor said you can go home a several hours later. Take some rest. I'll pick you up."

 Her nosocomephobic friend melts into relaxation and nods.

"Tell me about him when you're back. And Emily...thank you."  
"Anytime, Reid. Anytime."

 She tries to telegraph her meaning it beyond words as well. She hopes some rest will bring a fresh viewpoint to him. She heartily wishes he will talk to her or someone whenever he's at a loss. For she's conscious that he doesn't completely abandon his original plan. It's likely that he will make his mind if he comes to conclusion that Morgan is in too much distress. She can't estimate the possibility, unsure of how Reid and Morgan experience this hardship. Don't sacrifice your love for the sick bastard's scheme, she wants to beg. Instead she steps out of the room and goes for coffee before trying another friend's door again.

 

 

fin


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